Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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