keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
