based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
