im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
