I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
