Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
