I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
