You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The adults are the big ones right?
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