Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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