well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
