Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
