the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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