Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
