Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
only you would photoshop your dick
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize