it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
