just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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