Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
they need to just BURY HIM!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
