i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
