she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
