I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
