So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
