I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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