Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My balls are so social today.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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