just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
