Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
organizing the empties. That sober.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize