is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
