I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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