Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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