I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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