I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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