Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
