oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
