I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
