Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
