I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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