Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
