New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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