i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
