He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
