Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
