OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize