Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
