Someone shit on the floor
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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