$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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