we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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