we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
