if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
