If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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