God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
