If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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