i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
