forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
