Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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