piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
