Nicole vs. Life
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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