1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize