??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
