Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
