i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
