i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
