ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
