what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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