She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
