How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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